45 posts tagged “humor”
You ever have one of those days when you feel like doing jack s***? That was me today, listlessly pressing one button after another on my computer and barely getting the energy up to make dinner. I started a Stephen King novel, but decided that blood'n guts was not what my laggard brain required. So, I didn't write anything new, didn't read anything new, didn't do...well, jack.
Maybe I needed the down time. All that recent brain activity has plum tuckered me out. So, there I was sitting downstairs with a rather gory novel and wondering if that was really what I wanted to do in an evening. My husband brought me some treats in the form of chocolate and perhaps that endorphin boost was behind the next inspiration.
I was browsing this-and-that websites today, part of my normal Margy-the-computer-consultant routine, when I came across some sites that contained public domain pictures, videos and audio. In other words, take 'em, they're free! I was particularly enchanted by one site containing thousands of free sounds effects. You know, people walking, crowds in restaurants, chainsaws. Everything a brain dead computer sycophant might desire for a night of playing.
So, I played. And here's what I came up with.
This is a great way to start a day:
But then, we all can't wake up in a pasture. Usually, I just hear this:
Ah yes, city life. And, I've found the perfect sound for all my wedded nights:
What, you think we're sexy at our age. Please. As soon as the hubby starts sawing wood, here's what I feel like saying:
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. Concerned, she puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in very deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The
husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we
were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do "she replies, touched to tears that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember…" said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued: "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?' "
"I remember that too," she replied softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says…
…"I would have gotten out today.”
Many thanks to a fellow Facebook friend for this. Classic. I'd pass it around to at least 15 guys you know.
This would be even funnier if it weren't so true!
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
Life can get tough for tough old broads. Bills to pay, creaks and aching joints, husbands that have lost their ardor along with their hair.
Thank goodness for folks with a sense of humor, and all the other wonderful things this inventive fellow below has to offer. So, ladies, put down those dusters, grab yourself a glass of wine and indulge for a moment or two before getting back to the grind:
I came across this website in my daily web browsing and almost fell off my chair. Since all the other Republicans are doing it, why don't you join the fray and apologize to Rush Limbaugh today? After all, isn't a talk radio host the best person to run the country? Oh my, oh my!
http://www.dccc.org/content/sorry
Now get in line and say you're sorry! *waves away cigar smoke, cough, cough* Was that a mirror, too?
Oh, this is just too funny. Maybe it's the mood I'm in. I was looking through my email, for a newsletter I just signed up for. I decided to check my spam folder, just in case it was routed there.
Here's the title of the latest spam email that came to me. I'm quoting it verbatim:
From Subject
Patricabonnet "I've Never Had So Many Orgasms Until this Vibrator"
I'm serious. That's what it said. I'm still rolling on the floor.
Way more interesting than "Interesting New Loan Offer!" and "Claim Your Winning Prize."
Gee.
